Doing battle with daily dragons

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Flushing at Sea

We have been temporarily displaced.

For those who have never been on a boat, marine toilets are a whole new ballgame. A lot of boat owners opt for cassette toilets that you can simply empty down an open sewer. Call me crazy, but that felt a little 14th century to us, so we chose a boat with an honest-to-god tank for our excremental convienience. However, over the years, this tank has caused us to have to evacuate the boat on more occasions than we care to remember. (I don’t even want to THINK about the overflowing incident a few years back. And neither do you.)

Now, our marina has a charming device for emptying these tanks that we affectionately call “the chuckle pump.” It’s a horrible, long black hose that really looks like it’s enjoying its repulsive job when actively employed. Not only that, but the person in charge of the hose must be of steady hand. This is due to the fact that if the mouth of the hose should become unattached from the boat tank outlet, there will be what can only be described as “an enormous fountain of unmentionable sludge”. The canal is full of any number of things that can make you seriously ill, but my f.i.l has said he’s seen grown men dive right in rather than get hit by a shit fountain. Of course, I cannot blame them.

This pump is also attached to a tank. At the moment, this tank is completely full and we must await the arrival of the chuckle WAGON to come before we may return to our home and answer nature whenever it calls.

But until then, we shall stay with The Rock Star’s parents and enjoy the luxury of being able to flush without fear.

The Whiz

Oh, but before I entirely leave this subject, I must trumpet a purchase I made over the summer to all you girls out there who are tired of not being able to write your name in the snow. They introduced this thing at the big music festivals last year to cut down on queues for the ladies room. The Whiz is amazing. You too can beat the system and wee standing up. I have to admit that I've not actually TRIED it yet, but am looking forward to on a long car trip in the near future. If I stay close enough to the shoulder of the road, I might even be lucky enough to cause a rubber-necking accident. Seriously, ladies, check it out.