Doing battle with daily dragons

Monday, March 14, 2005

Roll D20 to Save Versus Embarassment

The Green Fairy has devoted her most recent column to her discovery of the work of one of Christianity’s literary visionaries, Jack T Chick: A man whose obvious insanity and slim grip on both reality and effective conversion tactics have brought to life some of the most hilarious religious tracts since Martin Luther nailed his grievances to the church door at Wittenberg.

My personal favorite is “Dark Dungeons” which rails against the evil practice of geeks worldwide; playing Dungeons and Dragons. In the third panel, the Dungeon Master, a woman who’s obviously been to the Silver Ravenwolf school of witchcraft, tells her young apprentice, a gamer called “Debbie” that since her character has achieved 8th level, she’s going to teach her how to “REALLY cast spells.”

Now, I’m going to admit to something and nobody better laugh. (This feels rather like standing up in a circle in a village hall on a Tuesday night and saying, “Hi, my name is Galetea and I’m a recovering….”) I played D&D myself in college. (Not only that, but I also admit to having a rather substantial “Magic” card collection.) It was kind of a survival thing; the group I fell in with consisted of a great number of folks who’d grown up locally and spent a lot of high school together, fighting orcs, slaying interdimentional beings and hanging around in imaginary taverns, starting fights. If I wanted not to be sitting in my dorm room on a Friday night, twiddling my thumbs, I learned that I had to suck it up and buy a 20 sided dice. (Hi, my name’s Galetea and I own a 20 sided dice. BUT I DON’T KNOW WHERE IT IS, so that should count for something.)

What I would like to get my hands on are some figures regarding the percentage of D&D players that use role playing as a springboard for the occult. My guess is that 99.999999% of all gamers are in more danger of Jolt Cola poisoning, light deprivation and senseless arguments about whether or not the DM should allow a Chaotic Evil character into the party (Hi, my name’s Galetea and I’ve been involved in an argument about whether a Chaotic Evil character should be let into the party) than becoming entangled with the forces of Satan and “all his little wizards.”

You, my secret brethren, I know you’re out there. And you know who I’m talking about.