Doing battle with daily dragons

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Coming Out of Hiding

It’s been a little quiet in Blogapotamus Land for the last few days. In winter, when the hours of daylight wane, you feel like you need to work every moment you can to get everything done before dark puts the hammer down. I don’t know about everyone else, but when it gets dark in winter, I just want to crawl into bed. And when dark happens at 5.30, productivity tends to suffer a little bit.

The Rock Star, BoyRacer and I are heading stateside on Thursday for a wedding in New York, so the pressure to get stuff finished is…well….pressing. So, for your amusement, a quick rundown on the last few days.

The Rock Star had a gig in Milton Keynes, so I thought I’d do a little boarding while the Mis-spelled Band set up their kit. When the girl serving me at the front desk said the slope “wasn’t up to scratch” I should have listened, because moments later, I found myself sliding down a sheet of pure ice. I’m not saying that it’s easy to make snow or anything. I mean, I couldn’t do it personally, but a place that makes it’s living making it ought to be able to do it better than that. I’m very glad that I didn’t choose to apply my new purchase (a tub of “the slipperiest stuff on earth”) to the bottom of my board or I feel sure that I would have had to have been scraped off the plexiglass window at the bottom of the slope.

The other high point of the evening was the Nudist, who got licked up and down by a woman who was doing her damnest to show the entire venue her vagina, getting teased by the security staff afterwards about having to make an embarrassing trip to the clinic the next morning. The Nudist responded by trying to kiss one of the bouncers. If you’ve never seen a 260 pound club security guy with a dragon tattoo on his head running from a guy who weighs slightly less than, and is about as intimidating as a packet of pub peanuts, then you should definitely put it on your to-do list.

Two lessons I learned today with startling clarity: a) Never go to Hemel Hempstead on a Saturday morning unless you are willing to lose forever your faith in humanity and b) Never get very drunk just before a “visit from the decorators”. It’s bad for everyone involved.

A hangover followed by an afternoon’s toil with a jeweler’s torch and a few slabs of metal.

Monday- A virtual hangover, actual toil at work and more pseudo-toil with jeweler’s torch and more slabs of metal.

So that’s my excuse for being absent without leave.